Sunday, 22 January 2012

Old Ricky the Ratter.

Old Ricky was a terrier, as faithful as could be,
He'd curl up in a little ball comfy on my knee.
But outside that little terrier was a different boy,
no longer was he a lap dog, cos hunting was his joy.
His eyes would blaze his coat would stand,
the most terrifying terrier in the land.

Those bulging eyes, those twitching ears, a front paw off the ground.
Head stuck forward, shackles up; he knows they are around.
Ratty is hiding in long grass, Ricky knows he's there.
Like a cobra, Ricky strikes, the rat squeals out in fear.
That ones dead, more to kill; they scamper all around.
Ricky kills a few more rats before they go to ground.

Sometimes I'd strike out with my stick; just to give a hand,
Ricky and me, I'm sure you'll see,
were the best ratters in the land.
I sit alone no little dog curled up on my lap,
My stick is hanging on the door along with my old cap.

I miss Old Ricky, that little dog, as faithful as could be.
now he's buried in the ground beneath an Old Oak Tree.


Friday, 20 January 2012

The Taxidermists wife.

Sid was a taxidermist Lill was his flat chested wife.
He thought he'd enlarge her titties, with cotton wool and a surgeons knife.
He could make animals look alive, so he could alter his woman's looks.
He had read up how to do it all in plastic surgeon books.
He'd charge small sums to others, but practice on the wife for free.
So he set up in his garden shed to do the surgery.

With sleeping pills, and a bottle of gin Lill was soon out for the count.
Sid stuffed her little floppy tits until they stud up like Michael's Mount.
He stuffed her floppy buttocks, so she had a nice pert bum.
He was doing well until he thought she needed a teenagers flat tum.
Instead of stuffing stuff in, he had to take stuff out,
That's OK with dead animals, but Humans he knew nothing about.

Now poor old Lill looks better dead, than she ever looked in life,
She's on show in a glass case in Sid's front room, labelled,
 'A rare looking middle aged wife'.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

The Bully.

Once I met a bully,he wasn't very brave,
he met a braver man, now he's in his grave.

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