Thursday, 3 November 2011

More of my nonsense.

I've started a tourist firm 4 dare devils. You will be touring Niagara Falls in a barrel; Hand rails fitted for sissies. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Speak when your spoken to,
 that's what my parents said.
 But they didn't speak to me so I spoke and was sent to bed.

They say that all dogs evolve from wolves. I saw a French Poodle with a curly coat...was it a wolf in sheep's clothing?

I believe I can fly...AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Magic mushrooms, poppy seeds,
long haired hippies with strings of beads...
Er, sorry about that...NURSE!

I watched the news one day and a very good investigative journalist asked a Politician a very awkward question....'TRUTHFULLY?'

I have been poor all my life, I'll die poor and leave it all to poor friends who will know how to handle it.

I know why the Government are raising student fees...They only want the Cream of the Country in their universities... RICH and THICK!

Hey kids! We had a pig in our yard,
we called her Mary-Lou,
She was a very messy pig'
the yard was full of poo; phew! :0)

I am so unlucky, I was flooded out, so I took advice, dried it out & insured it against future flooding... It burnt down the next day. :0\

My Doctor asked me when I first noticed that my memory was getting bad, I said, 'I can't remember.'

Apparently were related to apes; dogs are man's best friend...Proof, you can choose your friends but not your relatives. :0/

Adam discovered the law of gravity before Isaac Newton when an apple made HIM fall for Eve.

I know why Hollywood hero's don't lose a leg in battle... cos they'd fall on their arse whilst kicking arse.

The Devonshire Old McDonald had a farm,
 Oh - Argh - Oh - Argh - Oh!
The American Old McDonald sells fast food,
with a beefburger here a hamburger there,
no live animals anywhere. 

Old McDonald bought some pigs,
 with an I.O.U. ER, E. I E. I. O. 

STYLE! Is when you slip on spilt beer in a nightclub and you make it look like your break-dancing.

STYLE! is when u take the piss out of vain tyrant & get away with it. Reference: TONY BLAIR EX UK PM SPEAKING TO GADAFFI, "You are looking good." Spoken with a wide grin

If any man tells you that he is a Member of Parliament, he's a liar.

Hey, If Isaac Newton was so clever, how is it that he didn't invent safety helmets for orchards?

They said that he is better for the knowing. I now know to be out when he calls.

Style is when you are thrown out of a nightclub and you convince the passing public that you are a street acrobat.

Hey, Kids, I found some Pheasant feathers and put them in my hat, I walked under an apple tree and came under Cat Attack.

Style is, when caught in woman's bed by husband You convince him that you fainted in the street & she brought you in for a lie down.

Style is, tripping up over a kerb-stone and convincing passers by that you are skipping along happily.

Style is, when your not able to buy new clothes but you convince others that you are following a ragged clothes fashion.

The doctor sent him to his bed, he'd had a brainstorm in his head, blew his brains out, now he's dead.  

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