Monday, 31 October 2011

A Lincolnshire Poachers Tale.

Where's Sal? She's somewhere out there in the dark.
Unseen, unheard by game or or game keeper; she will not bark.
When hunting she is silent'
those gamekeepers get violent.

Is that a person against that tree?
Someone watching me?
Something moved; or was it the breeze?
Blowing branches? I'll have to freeze.

Something brushed against my knee.
It's Sal, we'll have rabbit for our tea.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

Beware The Heat of Mums Kitchen.

Spit, spat, spit goes the bacon,
spatter, spitter, spitter, spat, spat.
Keep out of Mums Kitchen,
or you'll be burnt by that spitting hot fat.

Bubble, bubble, bubble goes the water'
bubble, lubble. lubble, blubble blob.
If you touch your hands will be scolded,
then you'll blubber, blubber, sob, sob.

The hot meats roast in the oven.
sizzle, sizzle, sizzle, sizzle, sizzle.
Do not touch that cooker,
or you'll be burnt to a frizzle, frazzle, frizzle.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

The Elves In The Hawthorn Hedge.

I don't know how true this story is; but I'll tell it to you anyway.
It was told to me by my Granddad when we were sitting on a bale of hay.
He said he was working in a field, trimming an hawthorn hedge,
when he came across a group of elves, tucking into hot meat and veg.
They were sitting on toadstools around an old tree stump that someone had sawn long ago,
and Granddad said he would not have seen them if he hadn't stooped real low.
They wore leaf green pointed hats and grass green clothes,
and mud brown boots that turned up at the toes.
'OH!' said Granddad, 'I'm sorry to disturb you; I didn't mean to be rude;
I hope I didn't startle you or put you off your food.'
The largest of them; who was six inches small
'Jesus, tis al right; well not at all.  Would you like to join us in a bite to eat?
We have carrots and tatties, and freshly cooked meat.'
'Well, thank you,' said Granddad, 'that's kind of you.'
The elf pointed to a log and said, 'Pull up a pew.'
They gave him a bowl that had been carved out of wood,
with fancy designs on that Granddad thought were quite good.
And,  written in fancy writing were the words "Giant Size",
because Granddad was a giant when seen through their eyes.
They filled the bowl right up to the brim,
the gave him a fork and said, 'here you are; get stuck in.'
They told him they had seen him working hard every day,
trimming hedges and digging ditches in wet sticky clay.
'Have you?' asked Granddad, 'I didn't know;
I'd never have seen you if I hadn't stooped low.'
They said, 'there aren't many giants who know we are around,
as we wear green clothes and brown boots so we blend in with the ground.'
I've searched and I've searched in that hedgerow myself,
but I've never spotted even one elf.
Though hundreds of people say they've seen them too;
 plus there's an elf spotting club... So maybe it's true?

Monday, 10 October 2011

Billy Drake of the Lake.

Billy Drake of the lake is the greediest duck around,
he squabbles with the other ducks for the food around the ground.

Billy has got big flat feet,he uses them like paddles.
But when he walks outside the lake, he wobbles and he waddles.

He wobbles around on those big feet and stumbles after food.
If the other ducks get in the way Billy Drake is very rude. 

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Hip-Hop Rabbit Finds Fame.

Hip-Hop Rabbit hops all around,
and lives in his home deep down in the ground.
one day whilst out munching a root,
he heard a loud noise and decided to scoot.

He hid in a thorn bush and heard a boys voice
say, 'I love Rock and Roll, it's Hip, it's my choice.
Slung over his shoulder was a shiny guitar'
on which he twanged out a tune and sang, 'Lar, lar, lar.'

Hip-Hop thought, "What a wonderful sound."
He tapped his foot to the tune; on the ground.
Thumpitty thump, 'lar, lar, lar, lar.
I'm the most hip rabbit around here by far.

He sang and he danced all the way home,
and came across Norman the Gnome.
'Crikey!,' said Norman, 'what an unusual habit,
that's the first time I've seen a Rock and Roll Rabbit.'

Now Hip-Hop performs at Woodlands Hop every night,
where the animals dance in the hall, that's packed tight.
He has a stage name now that he is a star'
It's Swivel-Hip-Hop, the most hip far!

Beaver Sam

There once was a Beaver called Sam,
who was busy building a dam.
The damn dam burst, caused Sam to curse,
and sail away in a pram.

The Chinese Gong.

Wing Wang Wong hit the big brass gong and it went bing, bang, bong, dong.
Ching Chung Chang gave the gong a bang, and it went bing, bong, dong clang.
Ling Long Lo thought he'd have a go, he took a swing, but he aimed too low'
and the gong went, Ho, ho, ho!

Cheerful Ena.

At the zoo there's a laughing hyena,
I don't know if you've ever seen her?
She cheers everyone up,
She's such a cheerful pup.
They shout,
'Oh, Look, have you seen her?
Hi Ena!'

The Kangaroo With A Didjareedoo

There's Kangaroo I knew,
who played tunes on a didjareedoo.
Whenever there was a bit of a doo, who was there? That kangaroo,
playing tunes on his didjareedoo!
I swear its Blue.

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