Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Cat Flap.

Our neighbours cat came in our garden to have his daily shit,
When he saw I'd concreted it I thought he'd have a fit.

The fowl parrot.

I had a parrot that swore a lot, he wasn't very pleasant,
He escaped out of the window one day and raped a passing pheasant.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Hickory Dickory Dock.
Hickory, dickory, dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one the mouse ran down,
 I hit it with a weighted sock. :0)
 :0\ well they are vermin :0|

I see the moon.
I see the moon, the moon see's me,
having a pee up the old oak tree,
who's is that moon that I can see?
It's the Mrs crouching next to me.

Friday, 18 March 2011

my latest jokes

Posh bloke said my English is atrocious.  I said at least I don't put people down, so I'm not condementing.

My Granddad shot to fame as a human canon ball.

My mrs hasn't got a dirty mind, she changes it too much.

The older I get the more the circles I move around in are full of dizzy old folks.

Our village idiot isn't a patch on London's City Idiot.

I worked my way up through life from nothing and now I have got next to nothing.

I am always politicly correct; just like my fellow honky white brothers.

Cross a bird with a fish and you get a Cock Roach.

Too many beans blow holes in your jeans.

People drink to your health and you wake up with a blinding headache the next day.

There has been a crime spree in the kiddies nursery... Tom,Tom the Pipers Son and Taffy the Welshman are chief suspects.

I taught myself everything ... I think I need a new teacher.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

A Materialistic Bore

The Boring-est Bore that makes my ears sore
Is the sad person who's so materialistic.
They get lots of debt, then start to fret
when they become a bad credit statistic

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